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Yesterday was a day of silence and fasting on water only.   My host and I stayed fairly active... working in the garden and some odd jobs around the house.  Purification became requisite as I was becoming lax in some areas such as diet, personal practice, and adherence to personal precepts.

Also, there is much I've kept to myself about this journey and my experiences in it.  It isn't all fun and games.  Before writing about this topic it is necessary to have time in introspection with the intent of guidance to portray this as productively as possible.  But it is not productive to give the impression to others that traveling alone in this society with very little, as a woman, is easy.  

"Simple, but not easy" - wisdom to take to heart   

I haven't written about the times that are more challenging for several reasons.  The most significant being that it is not a good practice to complain.  In my first stop as a pilgrim, in Quartzsite, there were many good topics touched upon by the ministers there.  One significant topic being gossip.  There was discussion of how the Bible deals with it and wisdom transmitted about this topic.   This goes along with what I hold dear:  my life is a reflection of my mind. (-Dhammapada)

Although in my own reflections, this pilgrimage has gone more smoothly than I imagined it would - those who know me well and have an appreciation for my innocent, childlike personality would find many of my experiences along the way to be a source of worry.  In fact, I often wonder how it is that I've stayed so calm and maintained a sense of peace in several circumstances.  

But actually, it is not a mystery to me how this is being accomplished - for it is all in how the mind is set.  And this mindset of my striving for a couple of years now - though still feel myself to be in the infancy of Mindful Introspection.

Challenges are not only to be expected but should be invited.  For the whole point of doing something difficult is to grow - to strengthen resolve.  It is the seeking of understanding of vidya and avidya (explanation below) that have been my guiding lights.  I've been studying these concepts for a few years now and constantly seek to put into practice the application of this study.  The times it seems most evident are during those challenges.  

"It is when we feel greatly challenged and least equipped to deal with it that our true character comes out".  

When challenges arise, your thoughts on the matter and your actions in response are going to govern the outcome of these interactions.  Seems pretty simple, yes?  Simple, but not easy.  It is easy to say "oh yeah, yeah, I get that"... but to apply this is a different experience altogether.  

To define vidya and avidya it is first essential to explain that even as I've been contemplating and studying this subject for a couple of years, I may not have an adequate understanding.  So take this all with a grain of salt and if it resonates, do your own research. 

Vidya could best be described as "knowledge" while Avidya (the word is the same but with an "a" in front) could best be described as the opposite of this.  There is a quote in Wiki describing avidya as:

"The work of avidya is to suppress the real nature of things and present something else in its place... it connotes the principle of differentiation which is implicit in human thinking.  It stands for that delusion which breaks up the original unity of what is real and presents it as subject and object and as doer and result of the deed. What keeps humanity captive in Samsara (the world we live in as we know it to be) is this avidya...  It is a limitation that is natural to human sensory or intellectual apparatus. This is responsible for all the misery of humanity."

In my own contemplations, I see vidya as the demonstration of perfect nature, and avidya as imperfect nature.  Though this could be incorrect. 

"Perfect Nature in of itself is the aspiration toward ascension. In Tantra, there are four aspects of Perfect Nature: mind expansion, vibrational flow, selfless service, and consciousness."  
(-taken from another blog, though I believe the original source of this is from the book "Some Still Want the Moon" by Vimala Schneider McClure.)

What the wiki doesn't touch on is the sources of avidya, as described in  T.K.V. Desikacher's "Religiousness In Yoga". 

There are four sources of avidya described in the beginning of Religiousness In Yoga:

1.)  ego/identity

2.)  craving/addiction

3.)  aversion

4.)  fear/fear of dying

It was also described that the first three spring from the last one, fear of death. We can feel them working through us in our ascending states if we imagine to.  The understanding of our lower selves can help guide us toward our higher self - if that be your goal at current.  

What is a comfort food?  It is a food we eat when we are not feeling well in order to feel better.  Chicken soup, ice cream, peanut butter...  This is the second source of avidya and can lead to addictive eating when we feel sad, hurt, or lonely.  I myself am very prone to the second source of avidya.  Thankfully I have a metabolism to match!  

As a child my Grammy would give me chocolate ice cream whenever I wanted.  Time with her was golden and magickal.  So in adulthood when things were not-so-good, I sought to feel better by recreating a sensation through chocolate ice cream or some other sugary food to remind me of the "golden days".

Again, if my understanding and explanations are limited or hidden in ignorance, please excuse this as I have not yet studied this to the fullest extent that I wish to.  

When others challenge our beliefs, our actions, our intentions, or anything else - we can easily identify that this is challenging our first source: ego.  They are challenging what we relate to as part of who we are, what our affiliations are.  

However, the situation could be challenging us in other subtle ways.  Perhaps we were reprimanded harshly for thinking outside someone else's box - then this would be challenging the third source of avidya as well.  We fear being reprimanded again so our voice raises and we become very adamant that the world functions only in the way we say it does.

These concepts, vidya vs. avidya are tools to identify within ourselves why something feels difficult.  If not within yourself, try seeing what is being challenged by someone else - perhaps someone who is challenging you.  It is often easier to identify other's faults than to look at our own.  When we see the faults in others then we can ask ourselves what of this circumstance is resonating for us that it would be abrasive to begin with?


There are many ways to look at our reactions to the stimuli in front of us.  Seeking to understand my own reactions begins by listening better, holding back a little, and contemplating why someone is getting a rise out of me.  The more I practice this, the less my emotions get heated during crucial times when agitation could really be a liability to my well-being, not to mention my opportunities for growth.

It is a matter of coming from a place of love or a place of fear.  In a place of love we understand that others think differently and even have patience if they are in a fear state that wishes to put limitation on us.  We do not feel as challenged when we can imagine the causes of their own suffering that are creating the actions of today.  And we can act with love and patience, seeking wisdom rather than to respond back in the same manner that is seeming to be a challenge to our own situation.

Even if you are not seeking to pilgrimage (but especially if you are) these concepts are very useful.  They have helped me in many situations on this journey as well as the life I lived in Tempe for years leading up to this venture.  In time I wish to understand this much better and to aid others in learning and putting into practice the ability to be instantly introspective to why something feels difficult.

Love, Light, and Protect You

Starlyn